Category Archives: College Football

Sorry, Boise. You’re wearing too much blue so you can’t be our friend…

Imagine the popular girl has two best friends and they all wear the hottest clothes, drive the cutest cars, rock the tightest bodies, and date the most popular guys.

They are the popular ‘in-crowd’ and have been for years ever since middle school when bodies began developing for some and not for others. But this trio of females are looking to add a fourth friend to their clique.

They search all over the high school and they find a perfectly qualified new girl who just transferred. She wears all the right clothes, drives the right car, has the perfect body, and is rumored to be the ex-girlfriend of the arch-rival’s star quarterback.

In fact, she may even be overqualified.

Some say she’s the new ‘it-girl’ of the school. Some have her being better than the trio looking to include her.

But she is new and unknown and this works against her. The trio decide to add the younger cousin of the ‘it-girl’ because after all, she’s pretty good-looking and her family name is strong enough. Everyone knows the overlooked new girl was the right choice, but we’ll never know her full potential as she tries to start her own clique or exist independently.

That’s the state of college football. Last week, Auburn defeated Oregon, and while those teams are relatively new to the whole National Championship hoopla, their conferences and opponents are not. The SEC (Auburn’s conference) and the PAC-10 (Oregon’s conference) are a lot like the popular clique; they always get the most attention and the most respect.

An upstart team like Boise State or TCU may have better records or might even have more talent, but we’ll never see them compete in a National Championship due to their lack of tradition and relatively weak conferences. They are like the new girl everyone fawns over, but in the end, you just can’t elect her homecoming queen.

The legacy always wins homecoming queen, right?

And so while high school cliques are often petty and irrational, you’ll never see a more left-out and sad bunch as the TCU Hornfrogs or the Boise State Broncos come dance time.

It’s high time college football sets aside its damaging cliques and includes everyone in the big dance despite the garish blue or purple uniforms…

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Inflated Numbers

Here are some truths about guys:

Guys really, really, really like the song “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It does something to our brains. It makes us drive faster and do goofy air-guitar solos in the middle of Best Buy regardless of who’s watching.

Guys will cry, no, bawl whenever they watch Brian’s Song. The movie is based on the story of Brian Piccolo, the undersized fullback who blocked for Gale Sayers on the Chicago Bears. Piccolo contracted cancer mid-season and eventually died. I would review the movie, but I don’t feel like turning into a blubbering mess.

Guys also tend to inflate their “number.” Ask them how many girls they have been with, and you will get a number with less credibility than OJ Simpson. For a more realistic number, take his number, and divide it by three.

Sports work the same way. The Colorado Rockies baseball team usually scores more runs than anybody else because the altitude makes baseballs travel farther.

The Denver Nuggets basketball team has a ridiculously good home record because the visiting teams can’t breathe due to the thin mountain air.

The Texas Tech Red Raiders college football team (in the Mike Leach days) usually had the quarterback who threw for the most touchdowns and yards. However, that team threw on virtually every play.

The casual observer would be convinced that home runs hit by Rockies’ sluggers, the games won by the Nuggets at home, and the statistics amassed by Red Raider quarterbacks are legitimate.

However, those same Rockies struggle to hit homers on the road at sea level, the Nuggets barely win on the road, and Texas Tech quarterbacks rarely get drafted into the NFL.

Their numbers are inflated much like how the typical guy inflates the total number of his conquests.

Statistics, whether it’s with sports or love, need to be accepted with a certain air of skepticism. Homers hit with steroids or Grammy’s won with auto-tune can certainly have their legitimacy questioned.

But the argument of Clemens’ steroid-fueled wins versus Perry’s spitball-aided victories makes sports fun to talk about.

So whatever number you end up being told, just know there are a variety of different circumstances needing to be taken into account whether it’s homers, touchdowns, or sexual encounters…

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Rivalries: Good, clean old-fashioned hate

Every lady has a woman in their life they just hate (or maybe just mildly loathe or slightly abhor).

You get a Blackberry, she gets an iPhone. You get a BMW 3-Series, she gets an Audi A6. Your new boyfriend is an even 6-feet tall with four-pack abs, her’s is 6-foot-4 with chiseled six-pack abs.

She always seems to one-up you and you can’t stand her for it. Much like the girl in Mean Girls who dupes Rachel McAdams’ character into eating weight gaining bars, you live to one-up her. That’s a rivalry (and yes, I know all about Mean Girls and I think Devil Wears Prada is a terrific movie. Still haven’t seen The Notebook, though. Don’t judge, but I digress)

Here are the top-10 rivalries in sports based on level of hatred between the teams.

10. University of Florida versus University of Georgia (Football)

9. Oklahoma University versus University of Texas (Football)

8. South Africa versus New Zealand (Rugby)

7. San Francisco Giants versus Los Angeles Dodgers (Baseball)

6. Roger Federer versus Rafael Nadal (Tennis)

5. Boston Celtics versus Los Angeles Lakers (Basketball)

4. University of Michigan versus Ohio State (Football)

3. New York Yankees versus Boston Red Sox (Baseball)

2. Duke University versus University of North Carolina (Basketball)

1. Brasil versus Argentina (Soccer)

Honorable Mention: University of Alabama vs. Auburn (Football), Chicago Cubs vs. St. Louis Cardinals (Baseball), Southern Cal vs. Notre Dame (Football), USA vs. Mexico (Soccer), Miami Dolphins vs. NY Jets (Football)

When that lady-rival walks into the room, there is a noticeable tension present. Your adrenaline is pumping, your insults cut deeper, and you notice every fashion faux pas that even Stacey and Clinton wouldn’t pick up (What Not to Wear is just a good show, I’m sorry. Actually I’m not sorry, I’ll watch a marathon of that show any day).

The same holds true for sports rivalries. Yanks-Sox games just feel more important than any other match-up that day. The added pressure of rivalries often fires up players to play above and beyond their normal capabilities. Others wilt under the pressure.

A victory over a rival makes food taste a bit better, traffic seem not so stressful, and phone bills seem not so bad. Kinda like grabbing the last Marc Jacobs bag on sale just ahead of your hated rival. Oh ya…

Something to try: My favorite team is the SF Giants so there’s nothing wrong with referring to the LA Dodgers as the f%&#ing Dodgers. Or being a Hurricane – the f%&#ing Seminoles and f%&#ing Gators. Try doing it with your team’s rival (but not at church or in the presence of sophisticated company).

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