You are probably wondering who in the name of Michael Kors is Bill Parcells?
Well, he is currently the executive vice president of football operations in Miami and probably the man most responsible for resurrecting the Miami Dolphins from a 1-15 record in 2007-08 to an 11-5 record in 2008-09. He also won two Superbowls as a coach for the New York Giants and has enjoyed terrific success as a coach for the Jets, Patriots and Cowboys.
Of course, on this blog for this audience, Miranda Priestly needs no introduction. After all, The Devil Wears Prada is one of those movies you just keep on watching no matter when you tune in (this coming from the guy who thinks Will Ferrell can do no wrong).
So what do Miranda Priestly and Bill Parcells have in common besides salty grey hair do’s?
The two are known for being ridiculously demanding. Priestly remarked in the movie that she took her magazine from a little publication to the premier fashion magazine in the world. Parcells has a reputation for rebuilding franchises. Every team he takes over is struggling, but after a year or two, that team makes the playoffs.
Both have incredible quotes and catch phrases. Miranda’s top three are: 1) “By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.” 2) “The details of your incompetence do not interest me.” 3) “Bore someone else with your questions.”
For Parcells: 1) When asked about how injured wide receiver Terry Glenn was healing, Parcells, who is often frustrated with lengthy recuperations, responded with, “She’s making progress.” 2) “…No matter how many championships, no matter how many Superbowls, you’re not winning now, so you stink.” 3) “Something goes wrong, I yell at them – ‘Fix it’ – whether it’s their fault or not…”
Both have exceptionally prickly demeanors and only a certain type of person can thrive under them (just look at the above photos. Aren’t you scared?). For Miranda, Nigel and Andy flourished while many others couldn’t take it and were forced out. Parcells is the same way. Drew Bledsoe and Chad Pennington were at their best when they were the quarterbacks for Parcells. But many players were run out of town for things as small as spending too much time in the training room.
Both figures act decisively with unwavering precision. Miranda concocted the grand scheme in the end that still has me confused. She wanted to screw over Jacqueline but keep her magazine but in the end, Nigel is the one most hurt. But she doesn’t care. It’s all about her and the good of her operation; co-workers, feelings, relationships be damned.
When the Dolphins begged Parcells to rescue their embarrassed franchise, Parcells acted quickly. In a matter of weeks, he fired the coach, general manager and all but two members of the old staff that won just one game all season. This all took place a few days after Christmas around New Year’s Day. He didn’t care. Parcells wanted to win, so he brought in his own people, and as French fashion models often say, voila! The Dolphins are division champions.
So while Parcells may not purse his lips when he is displeased (he yells, cusses, and shoots lightning from his eyeballs) and Miranda may not have a nickname as cool as the Big Tuna (Parcells’ nickname), the two are a match made in heaven (or hell depending if you are on the receiving end of an angry tirade).
The next time The Devil Wears Prada is on TV (and it’s on just about every night by the way), lean over to your male companion and say, “Hmm. That Miranda Priestly played by the excellent Meryl Streep reminds me so much of Bill Parcells.” And he’ll say, “Uh, what?” And you’ll say, “Don’t you watch football? Bill Parcells? He coached the Giants, Patriots, Jets and Cowboys and he’s doing a marvelous job with the Dolphins.”
Isn’t learning sports fun?